The Great Indian Laughter Challenge

The latest show of the The Great Indian Laughter Challenge; i.e. the 6th ODI match between the Indian team and the Aussies. The actors obviously are the Indian cricketers while the Aussies being the audience are laughing away to glory. Simply because they are not having to do anything to get the wickets, the Indians are themselves gifting the wickets away!

But what I find more idiotic is the 20,000 odd strong crowd sitting out in the hot sun, still watching the debacle. The current score stands at 75 for the loss of 7 wickets, the most recent wicket being that of Bhajjie. But still not a single person has decided to leave the match and get on with his life. Every one of them is still sitting out in the stadium, watching the idiotic match. Why you would ask. The easiest answer would be hope – Indians are cricket crazy people, and they’ll still be hoping for a miracle, probably expecting the tailenders to get to a decent score.

I disagree. Its not only just hope. Its also money. If someone gave an option to the people to get back some part of their ticket value by leaving now itself, I can guarantee 90% of the stadium crowd will take the option and leave. It’s all about “lemme atleast get the most of what I have spent” attitude of us Indians. This isn’t only about cricket. Let me give another example. Two weeks back I had been to an utterly hopeless movie, “All the Best” wrongly trusting online reviews suggesting the movie to be an excellent comedy movie. I should have got an idea then itself when I noticed that the theatre was less than half filled, even though it was less than a week since the movie was released. 10 minutes into the movie, and I was already fidgeting in my seat. Half an hour later, I couldn’t stand the pathetic “comedy” scenes. Thankfully my friend also agreed with me on the same, and we decided to make a quick exit. What surprised me that the rest of the audience preferred to sit it out. The same monetary aspect acting here of course.

When will we get out of this attitude? By moving out, I had two hours to spend on better things than sitting in a movie hall watching a utterly crap movie. On a parallel note, today I get the entire day to do stuff other than sit in front of the tv hoping for a miracle. I only hope the 20,000 odd people sitting in the heat in the Guwahati stadium figure out the same.

The Indian Railways

I have been traveling by long distance trains ever since I was a toddler, and yet I still enjoy it. Given a choice between a two hour flight, and a 36 hour train journey, I’ll always opt for the latter; with the assumption of course, that I do have the time and money to do so.

The reasons are numerous. The beautiful landscape for starters. I can spend hours standing at the door just staring away at the landscape. The second is the wide choice of food options I get to savor on a train. For a tea lover like me, a long distance journey offers different versions of tea :- for e.g. the utterly useless tea bags offered by the railway pantry caterers, the waterish but masala flavored chaa of Western India (read: Gujarat), the elaichi flavored chai as you move towards central and north india, and last but not the least, the plain and simple hot milkish tea offered in southern states.

But apart from all this, what is so enriching are the different types of people you find traveling along with you. Ideally the best way to experience the same is to travel second class, as in most AC compartments the people just completely shut off themselves from others, preferring to spend the time sleeping or reading. But once in a while, you find this highly interesting personality who makes up your day completely. As I did a few weeks back, while traveling from Mumbai to Chennai for the Diwali holidays.

He was a young 8 month old software engineer working in Wipro Pune. Let me call him Vijay, after the tamil movie star Vijay (he kinda looked like him). Having boarded the train at Pune around 12 in the night, Vijay spent the first half of the journey sleeping away to glory. It was after lunch, when he switched on his laptop, he became of interest to me. After taking permission (to play music) from the rest of us, Vijay started playing videos of popular tamil movie songs. For the next odd hour or so, he was a sight to behold, as he got completely enthralled in the music. With his feet tapping, his fingers snapping in the air and his head shaking in rhythm with the songs, if only I could have provided him an open floor, Vijay would have joyfully performed the complete dance moves right there itself. As for me, I was ruing the absence of a camera to take a video of him.

Get him to do the same on a flight. You’ll never see this side of Vijay.

Indian Railways rocks!

What would you do with your first salary?

Just back from the evening show of Wake Up Sid – nice movie, simple theme, with nice songs and decent acting by most of the actors. Probably Karan Johar had enough of wooing the NRI segment, so now he’s targeting the youngistan crowd, bachelors living it out in metros working for IT and various other industries. Admit it, every single one of us at some point of the movie would have had the moment when he/she found something in common with his/her past few years and Sid’s life – that was the point of the movie I guess.

Although Karan Johar sidelined the very basic issues of living it out in Mumbai – escalating costs, traffic issues, etc etc. Imagine this, Konkana Sen – without a job or income, is able to manage a decently large 1bhk in Worli area right next to the beach and then spends possibly a fortune trying to “make the house her home” by painting and buying all kinds of furniture. If I had to do it myself, I would be looking at an amount not less than 1 – 2 lakhs of expenses!

Leaving aside all that (after all, its supposed to be a movie :P ) Mr. Johar in the later half makes use of an age old custom – giving your first pay check to your father. Obviously as a token of respect I understand. I have seen this happening in reel life and real life – and that is something that puzzles me like hell. Ok, its a mark of respect, for all the stuff your parents have done for you. But what’s the big deal? I did not do it with my first salary post engineering, neither did I do it post MBA. Its not that I don’t care or respect my parents – its just that I would rather save it for a later time when the money is required; maybe to me, to my parents, to anybody! My parents know this, and they are completely fine with it.

A few months back, a friend of mine spent the entire first month salary buying arbit gifts for his family - jewelery, that wasn’t required at that point of time; and spent the rest of the month on a shoe string budget borrowing money from me and others. His family is extremely well to do – most of the gifts probably went into the locker, among the many more they already had. What was the purpose of all that I wonder. He had no answer of course.

Maybe we need to relook at some of our age old customs, even the ones that seem harmless. Nagesh Kukunoor had a dig at this in Hyderabad Blues – I loved his point of argument in the movie when he again and again stressed at making use of the best of two cultures, American and Indian and neglect the rest. Probably we all need to do the same in our lives.

The Joy of Giving – What price, happiness?

I am proud to copy and paste this post, a beautiful note written by one of my XL juniors, Ramaa Ramesh.

If you want to know her, this is her profile.

What price, happiness?

Yesterday, I discovered the price of happiness. Music and dance. Two sets of bangles, and the promise of a ‘badaa seating stool’. Oversized clothes and food three times a day. Happiness, it seemed, could humble you.

Let me tell you just how.

On the 27th of September ‘09, a motley bunch of XLers from the senior and junior batches set out at 2 in the afternoon, armed with flags that announced the Joy of Giving week festival and assorted daily use items including soap boxes, a bag of rice and small seating stools. All the way, some of waved the flags from the autos right in face of interested passers-by and a puzzled cow. And we reached the destination some 20 minutes later. We looked up at the small, unpretentious board in front of the gray building.

Missionaries of Charity- Nirmal Hriday.
A home for the elderly- most of whom had lost all they had- money, a roof over their heads, the love of their children.

I walked in with the rest of them, feeling slightly discomfited. the grayness, the ordinariness of the building, the rows of shapeless clothes hanging- they made me uncomfortable, though I should have expected them, and guilty at my discomfort. A sister welcomed us and asked us to wait. We moved about slowly, looking at the framed photos on the wall, pictures of a visit by Sister Nirmala from Kolkata to the Home.

Ten minutes later, a small boy walked out from a side entrance shyly. He must have been about ten years old, and his eyes were big, bright and interested. Manoj had brought his guitar along and was strumming it. He offered it to the boy, who eagerly ran his fingers along the strings, plucking hastily at them. Helped by Manoj, he played a little, the tunes haphazard, but his eyes lit up like two stars, and his smile was the sweetest thing that I have ever seen in my life.

There was a sudden movement- The inmates of the Home had started joined us, one by one.

What shocked me the most was the disconnect they seemed to have- mostly women, around 50+ years old, wearing mismatched old clothes: nighties coupled with salwar pants, two shapeless shifts over one another. They sat on the chairs and either gazed into the distance or stared at us wordlessly. I had never so uncomfortable in all my life. What was I to do now?

Meanwhile, Sugat asked Manoj and me to perform a song for them, to loosen the atmosphere. We moved to the side and hastily practiced a song from Jhankaar Beats, which we presented to them, a group of four ‘performers’.

There was no reaction. I sang on, dispirited, wondering if the even understood what we were singing. Most likely not, most of them could not hear well.

And then it happened.
The old woman sitting next to Manoj burst into song, even as we were singing. She sang joyously, the words tumbling over another, as though it had been too long since she last sang. Our mumbled tunes faded as we let her take over and for the next two minutes, she sang with abandon. i could not understand one word of what she sang, but then who said you had to understand something to appreciate it? It was beautiful, her singing. When she stopped, Manoj egged her on to sing some more. she blushed, and grinned and broke into embarrassed sentences. Then she sang some more. The other women slowly began to stir, some smiling, some staring and muttering.

Suddenly, one more woman joined us from inside.
She couldn’t walk, her legs were bent sideways, she moved using her hands, leaning them on the ground. She stopped excitedly in front of the home, where the rest of them were sitting, and gesticulated wildly.”Didi!” she called out. “Bhaiyya!!”

And we went forward to meet her outstretched hands.

She grabbed Risha’s hands and laughed, throwing her head back. My first reaction was: ‘This is not the way a normal person laughs.’ My second reaction: ‘But, God, she is just so HAPPY!’
Mala
She was specially abled, and her special ability, if you ask me, was the gift of happiness. She was, quite simply, the happiest person I have ever met in all my life. her name was Mala, but I think of her as Pyaari. Because that was what she was: a lovable spirit, full of life and happiness.

Mala’s eyes sparkled as she showed off her plastic bangles, six or seven on each hand. I was at first puzzled. They were hardly eye-catching, just normal bangles, and different ones on both the hands, as well. But they seemed to be her fount of happiness: the more we admired them, the greater her laughter grew. She would simply toss her head back and laugh in an unrestrained manner, the like of which I have never seen before. I could only watch dumbly. She caught my hand and grinned with so much love, refusing to let go. “Didi!” she said, clearly having difficulty with her speech. “Didi!”, indicating her bangles, and then herself, saying they were hers. “Mala!!!”

My breath caught in my throat, and I could see everyone else was just as emotional. Whatever I had been expecting, it had neither been to see boundless joy from mere human company, or instant love for a stranger such as myself.

She taught me a lesson in love, my Mala.

As she beckoned to the other “Bhaiyya”s and “Didi”s to join her, I moved on, much shaken, to the other side of the courtyard. There sat a small child, a girl of four or five, in a pink frock. Her eyes were fixed on a spot in the distance. She stiffened when I approached, then stared harder at that invisible spot. I smiled, and pinched her cheek gently. No reaction. I kissed her cheek. No reaction. I pried the chocolate we had given her from her hand. No reaction. her eyes remained fixed on the horizon, her body clenched, her fists clenched, her face blank. My smile disappeared. What was wrong with this child?

A grinning boy on a chair waved to me. “She never responds”, he remarked in Hindi, having been watching my efforts. “Never moves, that one. She’s new here.”

“Do you know her name?”

He shook his head, and shrugged. “She never talks. No one’s seen her talk.”

And after twenty minutes of fruitless cajoling and affection, I left that strangely silent child, chilled to the bone. What must have happened that a such a small, soft girl must turn so emotionless? As I turned to the right, I spotted her eyes on me, watchful eyes in one so young. I felt close to tears, I don’t know why.

And then I spotted The Princess. Two of the Sisters in charge were playing with a tiny angel in a puffy yellow frock. I swooped down upon the lovely kid and scooped her into my arms. She came without a fuss, pouting a little though. The head Sister smiled. ‘She’s eight months old”, she answered when I enquired about the child. ‘No one knows where she came from.”

Princess

Princess

The bundle in my arms shifted slightly, her snappy black eyes moving from me to the colorful scene in front of us, and I followed her curious gaze. Someone had started dancing, and Madan, a resident of the Home suddenly joined in, full of enthusiasm. As XLers clapped and sang, laughing and nodding, Madan rocked the dance floor- honestly. He danced with vigor, pairing with Risha and anyone else who would dance with him. I felt a smile blossom on my face as I watched the group in the middle of the courtyard, singing and dancing, enjoyment on their faces and in the movements. Elsewhere around us, young men and women from XL moved about, distributing sweets, sitting and listening as some of the old women and men shared their experiences and feelings, talking to them, holding their hands. Two of the boys played catch-ball with little children, and their occasional laughter rang out in the lazy afternoon sun. The entire place had come alive in less than an hour.
Madan
Suddenly, with that beautiful child nestled comfortably in my arms, looking at the love, life and joy around me, I felt more content than I ever have in all my life. This, then, was the Joy of Giving- giving love, giving warmth, giving some time, giving oneself.

As I handed the child over to adoring Xlers, I walked into the Home, and found the head Sister tearing bits of cotton to make swabs. She smiled and handed a lump of cotton to me wordlessly. I joined her and we worked for a moment in silence, laying the swabs into a box on the table.

Sister gestured at the humble gifts we had brought. “When did you get all this?”. she asked excited, her eyes grateful. ‘We could use all of this… so sweet of you all. God bless, my dear.” She moved in, and i continued working, looking at the photos of Mother Teresa and Jesus lining the walls. The other lady who had been dispensing medicines beckoned to me.

“There is a lady here who speaks Tamil. You know Tamil?”
I nodded. “Yes, Sister”
“Talk to her for sometime, no?”
“I’d love to.”

And that was how I met Poorni. Seventy years old, her eyesight failing, wearing a huge night shift, Poorni hobbled towards me, frowning slightly. In her broken Tamizh, Sister introduced me.

Her eyes lit up, and she asked me hesitantly,

“Do you speak Tamizh?”
“Yes, ma.”
“I’m from Vellore. Have you been to Vellore?”

Poorni had had five siblings who were no more now. Childless, she had despaired of life when her husband died as well. Deciding vaguely to “go somewhere and die”, she left home without a rupee and boarded the first train she spotted at the station which, as fate would have it, brought her to Jamshedpur. She somehow made her way to the St. Mary’s church in Bistupur, and sat there till dusk, when the priest in charge realized she was not a day-time beggar and called Nirmal Hriday, asking Sister what to do. ‘Bring her right over!” Sister had demanded, and Poorni had come to stay.

She put an arm around me, held my hand with her free one, and asked me what I did here, about my family, whether they were all fine. “They feed me for free here”, she exclaimed, her eyes widening, “and they give me free clothes- but they’re oversized for me. I am content, though. I chose to run away, Lord Muruga has brought me here.” She paused. ‘All Gods are one and the same, I pray to Jesus as well. I get lonely sometimes, no one else speaks Tamizh, and I don’t understand any other language… I’ve been alone for one whole year.” She looked at me, sadness etched on her face. Then her brow cleared swiftly.

When i got up, she tugged at my hand. “Take care, my dear. God bless you. Study well. Tell your sister to study well too!”

I nodded, and hugged her lightly.

I met Mala again as I left and she frowned and pushed away one of the small stools lying ext to her that we had brought. “Badddaaaa!” she exclaimed and Risha and I promised her a baddaaaa stool. Overjoyed at the promise, she grabbed my hand and kissed it fervently, to my shock. Tears began to gather in my eyes. Blinking them away, I took my leave.

As I left, Sister smiled at me and nodded briskly, going back to the hundred and one things needed to run the Home. I left early- another group of us were going to present a small nukkad natak at two Societies later that evening, as part of th JGW festivities, and I needed to practice.

I walked out of the gate, smiling a little, wondering about the price of happiness.

To Mala: her bangles and the promise of a big stool to sit on.
To the boy: strumming a guitar.
To Poorni: talking to me in Tamizh.
To the children there: playing throw ball.

To Nirmal Hriday: Two hours of our time.

I had all of these things they each wanted, and yet I had never been so happy. Giving it to them created the happiness, the priceless joy- of caring, of sharing and giving.

What are you giving? Celebrate the Joy of Giving with us this week, and spread the happiness.
After all, there can never be too much joy in your life, can there?

:-)

The Real India

In the past few months I have been living in 4 different cities – Kolkata, Chennai, Bangalore, and now Mumbai. In every city, there hasn’t been a single day I haven’t cribbed about the woes of living in that particular city. I have always found faults with each and every one of them. In Kolkata, it was the stuffiness, the unclean environment. In Chennai, it was the humidity and heat. In Bangalore it was the traffic. And in Mumbai, it was a mixture of all three! I woe for a perfect city; one that I doubt I’ll ever find in the entire country.

Till I saw this set of pictures. Its taken by Charles, an XLRI exchange student from France, and he’s taken some really amazing shots, shots that I cannot describe. Most of them are of daily happenings, you and me, we walk past them and ignore it. Thankfully Charles didn’t.

Facebook Album

Sometimes we need to look at ourselves, from a third person’s view. Someone who doesn’t know us, who has almost no connection with us and let him give his view point about our life. Trust me, it’ll open your eyes to things about you that you didn’t know at all. What you have that others don’t; what people admire you for (or hate you for), the small things that you should cherish more.

I hope you can see the pics. If not, please get back to me, I’ll make sure I can make the pics available to one and all.

The Great Indian Outdoor Trip

A few years back there used to be a show on [V] where two veejays used to travel across the entire country with minimum cash in their pockets, living on the road, and trying to make ends meet by getting people to give freebies just for the camera. A lot of my friends found it gross. I loved it. To me travelling by the cheapest means is a completely different experience. If you don’t believe me, try travelling by one of those run-down state transport buses. Just make sure you ain’t one of those dandy high class idiots who swear never to travel by anything else other than 2Tier AC and non-low cost airlines. If you’r one of these, I ain’t talking to you.

I always wanted to go for a pan-India trip for a long time. How, from where to where, by what means – all that didn’t matter. Maybe I would do it using public means. Or on my bike. Or sneak away my dad’s car! How, it didn’t matter. What mattered that I had to do it.

Earlier during my infy days, I had planned to do it once I cleared any of the management colleges. But Murphy had other plans for me. When XL got confirmed, my boss made sure that I worked till the last day before my joining date to XL throwing away any chances of me making such a trip.

So then I postponed it for post-XL, during the gap between convocation and joining date of my future employment. But this time, recession had different plans for me! Again my plans were foiled.

And now I have my opportunity. I am without a job, but free. But now its up to me to decide whether I should spend the next few days searching for a job, or should I take the luxury of ignoring it all and go on this trip?

Can’t decide. And it’s killing me! Feel free to advice me!

Free

I’m free.

And it feels good. Real good.

At times I do have these nagging doubts. Whether I made the right decision. What next.

But that’s life. It goes on, and on.

Amen.

One Night at Bharuch

It’s been a while since my XL days that I enjoyed staying up almost the entire night.

Sunday 6th Sept

11.45 p.m. – I reach Baroda station armed with a ticket on Avantika Express to Bandra, Mumbai.

11.55 p.m. – The train arrives. I board and take my seat. The old man sitting in front of me stares at me in a strange manner.

Monday 7th Sept

12.10 a.m. – The train leaves Baroda. Surprisingly the TC arrives within 5 minutes to check people who had boarded the compartment at Baroda.

12.05 a.m. – I show my ticket to the TC. So does the old man, mumbling something in Gujarati pointing fingers at me. Turns out I’m sitting on his seat. The TC gives one look at my ticket, and says “aap ke paas valid ticket nahi hai. Utro ya fine bharo” I’m like WTF! He points at the date – 6th Sept. Ah, Brilliant me. Me, an MBA grad, with the experience of booking a zillion tickets online on irctc has done it again. (yes, again!)

12.10 a.m. – The TC calls me to a corner and gives me a 3 digit figure. Not much you would say? Well I had 200Rs in my pocket. He nods his head in disapproval. Orders me to pay or get out at the next station while I ponder why the hell we don’t have atms on trains.

01.05 – Bharuch approaches. The TC is back, and probably as a last attempt reduces the figure by 50Rs and gives me an ultimatum.

01.10 – I see the last bogie of Avantika express leave Bharuch station while I walk to the ticket counter. The dog sleeping on the platform gives me a half look, and decides that his sleep is worth too much than barking at me. I notice that the Aravali Express & Saurashtra Mail are next to arrive. Thankfully I find an SBI atm and load myself with cash, armed enough to get myself an AC first class ticket.

02.10 – Deja Vu. I see the last bogie of Saurashtra Mail leave Bharuch station. Talk about Murphy’s doings. Turns out both Aravali & Saurashtra mail don’t have any seats available. Now I have two choices – wait till morning for the next train to Bombay or catch the next one going the opposite direction back to Baroda.

02.20 – So Baroda it is. Thankfully the Lok Shakti Express was going all empty to Ahmedabad. I find a fellow passenger who is not able to sleep and chat with him for the next one hour.

03.10 – Baroda station rocks. Even so late in the night, all the tea stalls are open and active. Even Bombay stations are dead by this time! Post a cup of hot tea, and some snacks, I look for options.

03.15 – The Garib Rath Express chugs in. And thankfully with empty bogies.  This time, I handover the quoted 3 figure number to the TC without any arguments and get myself an berth.

04.00 – Even Murphy and his forefathers couldn’t hamper my sleep. I snore away to glory.

Mumbai Chronicles – 1

Bullock CartThe other day I was travelling from Fort to Chembur through the harbour route on my bike when I saw a line of bullock carts pulling tankers of petrol (500 litres). In a age when we are moving to dedicated frieght railway lines and cargo flyers, it was quite amusing to see this mode of transportation being used by the petrol companies. In this case, the tankers were of HPCL.

On inquiry, the guy mentioned that he does this two times in a day, from Sewri to Ghatkopar. And there are around 50-100 such bullock carts doing the daily activity. But why does HPCL use these guys? They obviously can’t be a cheap option, it would make more sense to use a few tankers to do the job; a more faster, more reliable option. According to this article, transportation by bullock carts was supposed to be phased out by March of this year. Seems like no one informed these guys.

Could it be a CSR activity? Providing livilihood to these 50 odd guys could be a plausible reason to still stick on to this mode of transporting fuel. But I do wonder if the management cadre in HP are still aware of this mode of transport being used by their organisation.

Real-time STP

The first marketing jargon every mba grad learns is STP – Segmentation, Targeting & Positioning. Ask what is it – you’ll get the same old fmcg based examples, the typical textbook answers. Ask them to apply it to a real life situation – you’ll get a blank face.

I was no better.

Till I decided to go to Toto’s Garage this Saturday, a well known hot & happening pub in Bandra to hang out with clubhouse junta. Well known, famous pub you would say? Apparently the common man in Bandra didn’t know that. Generally the best person to ask directions in Mumbai is the autowallah. But pub-goers don’t seem to be the clientele of local autowallahs it seems. I had probably asked over 5 autos for direction, all gave blank responses. Some even had the courtesy to suggest other garages nearby, the ones they probably used to get their autos repaired.

Then it all came back to me.

STP – Identify what should be the kind of people that would be hanging out at a pub and target them.

Not the aunty walking close by with 2 kids in tow.

Not the local traffic policeman at the corner.

And certainly not the local autowallahs.

See, now you are getting it, right!. Same was the feeling I had on the road in the middle of all that noisy traffic. It was as if a bulb just went on over my head.

Young guys. Hot chicks in mini skirts (ok, normal skirts bhi chalegi :P ) – they should be my target segment!

I scanned my surroundings for the same. Unfortunately the only “hot chicks” were the the chicken tandoori dishes being served in the hotel in front of me.

Finally found a few guys of my age around the corner. Asked for directions. Got the exact co-ordinates instantly. The guy wouldn’t have been able to give his own home address so promptly. Reached the place in less than 5 mins. Touched Pingu’s feet (imaginary) for his gyanny sessions.